Butterflies, sweaty palms, a huge pimple that couldn’t have surfaced at a worse time, ten outfit changes (at least) and a short list of conversation starters; these are all symptoms of the common ‘first date’.

We’ve all been on at least one of these extremely stressful nights in our lives, some we leave smiling, others we seriously regret. Seriously.

And yet they all begin the same way.

For girls it’s the cute guy/girl that you’ve been purposely meeting eyes with all night who finally realised how amazing you are and has plucked up the courage to ask for your number or Facebook details and eventually takes you out on a date. For boys, its one or two beers, or ten,222 and some egging on from your friends for you to finally go up to the babe you spotted on the other side of the room and strike up a conversation, ask for her number or Facebook and organise a rendezvous later on.

Whether it’s at a club, bar, university, on the train, in line at the cinemas, at a friend’s birthday, on a plane or drive-through Maccas, no matter where you meet your ultimate first-date companion it all starts in the same way. And while it may seem like the hardest part is initiating a conversation, often enduring the entirety of the first date is just as painful. Having been on a few first dates in my lifetime, there are definitely ones that I will remember forever and not necessarily for the right reasons.

Generally, the typical first meeting is catching up for a coffee, dinner or a movie. It’s usually a more relaxed atmosphere to break the ice and suss out the other person. For me, it was coffee.

He picked me up at about 9pm and then we drove down to Lygon Street for a drink and a chat.  Needless to say, 9pm is past dinner time, so you can imagine my reaction when he decided to eat dinner while I watched and waited patiently for him to finish not only a bowl of pasta but a pizza as well; maybe not the worst first date, but definitely not a great first impression.

I will also never forget a first date I had at the movies. The conversation was good; the key word here is good, not great or special or exciting by any means, just good. Sitting on the far edge of both of our seats, staring blankly ahead at the screen, not talking for 1.5 hours, there was definitely no implication or suggestion of any intimacy between us. It was like going to the movies with a friend or family member, so I was very surprised when it came time for him to drop me off and he offered to ‘drive around the block’ or for us to ‘move to the back seat’ for a happier ending for him to the night. That was the first of many first and last dates.

No matter who you ask, everyone has had at least one first date nightmare that they would rather forget. So what is the key to making a first date good?

No stranger to first dates, fellow upstart writer Dan Toomey has seen seen many first encounters over his ten-year career as a bartender. He offers some excellent advice about how to make a first date with someone one of many to follow. Dan suggests that ‘first dates should almost always be a casual drink. They can go for a long or short time depending on how things are going – it’s easy to opt out if things are not going well.’

‘And always sit at the bar to start with. There’s plenty to look at and talk about there. And this makes things easier if it’s a blind date too. A couple of drinks will always help you both get into the swing of things, but don’t over do it.’

‘Movies for first dates; sitting in a dark room not looking at each other or talking, not a great start.’ And then there’s that mistake we all make of choosing where to sit if going out for a drink or dinner. Dan advises, ‘don’t sit across the table from each other; you are not sitting a job interview. And never drive to a first date, meet them out, but bring your keys in case your date turns out to be a dud.’

However, it’s not just the first date venue that’s hard to get right. How many times have you come home from a bad date cursing to yourself for wasting your time and wondering ‘where do I find these people?’ Mr Toomey gives an insiders opinion on the best places to meet Mr or Mrs Right and places to avoid. ‘If you’re a non drinker, any art gallery or library is a great place to meet people. You’ve already established that your potential suitor can read and is relatively cultured. Picking up at the gym is frought with danger. If things go bad you could be stuck with a six month subscription for a place you are keen to avoid.’

Going by the success of my friends, it seems like the better relationships begin with a meeting someone through a friend or friend of a friend. As they say, you are the company you keep so the risk of meeting a loser is decreased when it’s someone your friend already knows.

Whether you have already been on your fair share of bad first dates, or you are yet to experience one, there’s no arguing that dating is no easy feat. Hopefully with advice from experienced daters, friends or even your mum, you will bump into that person whose eyes you get lost in straight away and all those bad nights won’t seem so bad after all.

Christina Lovrecz is a Graduate Diploma in Journalism student at La Trobe University and is one of upstart’s staff writers. You can follow her on Twitter: @clovrecz